Tips for gay cruising

Know the History—And Why It Still Matters

Cruising has been part of gay male culture since long before Grindr. Orgy’s and Circle Jerks are another option for anonymous cruisers. Sex isn’t shameful.

Bring a Buddy

The Belmont Rocks—that iconic stretch of lakefront at Belmont Harbor—has been a cruising spot since the 1970s. Bars like Little Jim’s, Sidetrack, and Roscoe’s created spaces where cruising moved indoors, with eye contact across a crowded bar replacing the furtive glances in parks and public restrooms.

Understanding this history matters because it reminds us that cruising has always involved risk and resilience.

But it also carries real risks, especially in a neighborhood that’s seen its share of hate crimes, robberies, and incidents that remind us we can’t take our safety for granted. They can be whoever they want to be.”

You ready to start anon cruising yet? Your sober self knows what your drunk self might forget.

3. Legitimate people understand why gay men need to be cautious.

5.

The bars, the street life, the cruising culture—it’s all part of our legacy of visibility and connection. They don’t set boundaries because they’re afraid of seeming “difficult” or “not fun.” They ignore red flags because they’ve internalized the message that they should be grateful for any attention.

This is what internalized homophobia does—it makes us believe we don’t deserve to be safe, that our desire is something shameful we need to hide, that we should accept whatever we can get.

Cruising isn’t shameful.

If you’re at a bar and someone’s buying you drinks, watch the bartender make them—never accept a drink that’s been out of your sight. I knew what I wanted. At 2 AM after the bars close? Consider alternating alcoholic drinks with water. What you do deserve is to pursue those things safely, on your terms, with people who respect you.

In practice, this means:

• Being honest with at least one friend about your plans
• Not apologizing for having standards or boundaries
• Recognizing that being called “paranoid” or “uptight” is a manipulation tactic
• Understanding that safe, consensual encounters are hotter than risky ones where you’re scared

If you find yourself repeatedly making choices that put you at risk, that’s worth exploring in therapy.

These spaces have history, but they also have risk.

If you’re going to cruise outdoor spots:

• Go with a friend who can watch your back
• Stay in areas with other people around
• Avoid going after midnight when the area empties out
• Keep your phone charged and in your hand
• Don’t drink heavily before going—you need your wits about you
• Let someone know where you are

The Rocks can be magical on a summer evening at sunset.

“Anonymity allows people to step out of themselves,” he says, “so they can feel free to explore and experiment. Happy Pride!

Follow the hosts:
Gabe Gonzalez
Chris Patterson-Rosso

Guests featured in this episode:
Leo Herrera