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To them ‘straight’ refers more to their identification with mainstream heterosexual institutions, such as conventional marriage, and straight culture more broadly. He is not necessarily secretly hiding his sexuality, nor is he necessarily in denial about the meaning of such attractions. The disconnect between the two might be motivated by several considerations:

  1. Having sex with other men bonds them with other men in an acceptably masculine way.
  2. Their nonromantic same-sex behavior protects them from emotional entanglements with women.
  3. Rather than having sex with a female prostitute or mistress, sex with men is viewed as a more acceptable form of extramarital sex.
  4. Their sexual urges are relieved in a manner that reinforces their masculinity and heterosexuality.

Sexual encounters with men might be brief hookups or occur with regular male friends.

Same-sex sexual activity did not necessitate a reconsideration of sexual identity for four reasons:

  1. The activity was infrequent
  2. Sex was seen as recreation or sport; males engaged in same-sex sexual activity for the sake of physical activity or stress relief
  3. Sex as an economic necessity; almost half of the participants engaged in sex with other men for money, and the majority of those reporting this were substance users
  4. Sex as an accident; participants stated the sexual activity was not their fault or beyond their personal control, such as inebriation or the unplanned outcome of an argument with a wife or female romantic partner

Also, while engaging in the sexual behavior, the subjects avoided kissing, hugging, talking to the other male (or even looking at him), and leaving immediately following sex.[iv]

Similar findings were found throughout a series of interviews with non-gay identified MSM prepared for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in 2004.

However, the etiology of this behavior remains contentious, and the final post in this blog series will examine proposed etiological explanations for this demographic. Other studies further elaborate on the many reasons for SMSM substance use, including:[vii]

  • Substance use leads to disinhibition
  • Substance use is used retrospectively to rationalize or justify one’s engagement in MSM behavior
  • Substance use acts as a facilitator by allowing increased comfort when approaching another male for sexual activity
  • Substance use intensifies the sexual experience

As the above research demonstrates, we have a much better understanding of the lived experiences of SMSM in comparison to a mere decade ago.

Their narratives show how similar sexual practices carry different meanings across contexts and populations.”

Based on a recent review of the research literature (2017), I discovered that the largest group of men who have sex with men identify as straight. Not gay: Sex between straight white men.

straight men with gay sex

These men determined same-sex sexual activity did not challenge their heterosexual identity because:[v]

  • There was little to no emotional attachment between partners
  • There was no pretense of commitment between partners
  • The activity was infrequent in comparison to sexual activity with females

In tally, the men interviewed reported that if sexual activity between men was anonymous, experimental, occasional, or if substance use was involved, the act was not “gay.”

Finally, while there is conflicting data, it appears that non-gay identified MSM engage in high levels of drug and alcohol use.[vi] Many in fact engage in sexual activity with other men as a means of obtaining financial resources to procure such substances.

To them ‘straight’ refers more to their identification with mainstream heterosexual institutions, such as conventional marriage, and straight culture more broadly.

Research with this population is difficult due to the challenges of reaching these men—the majority of whom keep this activity covert. New York: New York University Press.

Source: New York University Press, used with permission

A straight man might identify as straight even though he has sex or falls in love with other men.

5 (2008).

[iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prestage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activity/non Gay Attachment Research Targeting Strategies Identification Project." (Sydney: National Centre in HIV Epidemiology and Clinical Research ,1994).

[iv] Cathy J.

Reback and Sherry Larkins, “Maintaining a Heterosexual Identity: Sexual Meanings Among a Sample of Heterosexually Identified Men Who Have Sex with Men,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 39, no. They align themselves strongly with heterosexual identification and straight culture, and their complicated interpretations of their sexual practices reinforce this.” In addition, the research underlines a critical distinction that is too seldom recognized by sex researchers between sexual orientation and sexual identity: “My participants experience a wide variety of sexual desires, fantasies, and attractions, and different sexual histories, but all have sex with men and identify as straight.

Recall from the previous post that straight men who have sex with other men (SMSM) do not generally share details about their same-sex sexual activity or desire with significant others in their lives. Recall from the first post that researchers increasingly call for studies to include a comprehensive description of sexuality, one encompassing self-identification, arousal patterns, and behavior.

Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press. To Silva, the results "demonstrate the flexibility of male heterosexuality and the centrality of heterosexuality to normative rural masculinity.” To these men, same-sex sex is compatible with heterosexuality: “It is not the sexual practices themselves but individuals’ interpretations of them that are central to sexual identity and gender.” For partners, the men preferred “secretive, nonromantic same-sex sex” and had both one-time meet-ups and regular male sexual friendships.

In an email exchange, I asked Tony Silva why he researches bud-sex.

Neither can his un-straight behavior be dismissed as simply “experimenting.”

Sociologist Tony Silva (2021) at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver interviewed straight-identified men who live in rural America—many of whom enjoy hunting, fishing, shooting guns, and other “manly” sports.

  • Straight men can be considerably more complex than we previously believed.

    These guys are different from men who identify as bisexual, gay, mostly gay, and mostly straight. When he entertained or had sexual relations with a man, provided it was the right man or the right circumstance, it was not to solidify his masculinity or his heterosexuality — indeed, nearly the opposite on both counts — but rather an expression of his sexual orientation and, on occasion, his sexual identity.

    • Silva, T. (2017). “My participants experience a wide variety of sexual desires, fantasies, and attractions, and different sexual histories, but all have sex with men and identify as straight.